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When it comes to arguing, it’s best not to play the game at all
As a leader, you can’t win an argument. No matter what the actual outcome, you always lose. Even if you win, you lose.
The difficulty, of course, is that our egos get in the way. A team member challenges, a colleague criticises, a customer complains. Our ego screams. We push back. We dig in, solidify our position and double-down. We search for more ammunition to throw back at the accuser. We might even ‘win’ the battle. We might force a retreat, a retraction; we might get an apology. But, we still lose.
Victories won through argument are hollow — and often short-lived. You conquered, but at what cost?
What was actually won?
From the other side of the fence your triumph looks like scorched earth. Sure, you were ‘right’, but in the emotional arena of an argument, anger trumps objectivity. Maybe there’ll be some contrition, but it’s just as likely the other party will feel chastened. They’ll resent the victory; they may resent you. They’ll come back for a second-round, maybe a third. They’ll snipe from the sidelines. For sure they’ll be telling anyone who’ll listen their side of the story.
You won the ‘battle’ but started a ‘war’.
Where possible then, avoid arguments. Be willing to retreat, even when you are…